About half of your happiness is nature; whether you’re a “Tigger” or an “Eeyore” is about half temperamental and comes, essentially, “hardwired.”  The good news is, only another 10% is situational. That leaves 30-40% of how happy you are directly within your control! Make that percentage work for you.

 

Abraham Maslow had important things to say about happiness. He may remember him  from psychology courses as the creator of that famous pyramid, the Hierarchy of Needs, where great people like Mother Teresa and Albert Schweitzer were up at the top level, Self-Actualization.  Maslow also spoke about happiness, and our choices to live with either a deficiency or a growth orientation. 

 

Deficiency orientation refers to a basic focus on material things, comparing oneself and one’s possessions, and even loved ones, with others’ lives and putting all your energy into what’s missing.  Your kid isn’t the top goalie on the soccer team? The deficiency-oriented parent becomes so obsessed with forcing the child into the parent’s vision that all the joy of having that particular child as a blessing in your life is wasted. Deficiency oriented people try to keep up with the Joneses, fret about every lack of perfection, and suffer a terrible lack of appreciation. 

 

Meanwhile, the growth-oriented person is reveling in relationships and experiences.  They’re happy to go out to eat—that’s great! - but they’re also happy to have grilled cheese by candlelight or a PBJ at the park. Growth-oriented people tend to focus on the quality of friendships and family life, and having rich experiences. Those experiences may be solo (reading, art, walking) or shared with others.

 

How do we raise our growth-orientation quotient? By engaging in a combination of reflection, gratitude-focused behaviors, and actually having experiences.—Dr. Lori Puterbaugh, LMHC, LMFT