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KidNews Today is my newsletter, which has been going out to counselors, physicians, nurses, clients, and friends for
over 11 years. Here are a few recent articles.
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Substance Abuse Resources: Click Here!
Relationship Corner: Acting "As If"
Sometimes relationships hit rough spots. Perhaps you are
both working too hard, or distracted by concerns about children, finances, aging family members or other stresses.
Sometimes one partner goes through a difficult time—a phase of life that may be very normal but still difficult
for everyone involved. In these situations, you may not be able to change the circumstances very much.
You may be tempted to stay stuck in the same routine; why should you change, you wonder, when the other person keeps on being
selfish, distant or distracted by other demands? Thinking this way can set you up for even more relationship
challenges, because it is a step further into selfishness and failing to put the “we” before the “me.”
Both are important. In difficult times, when
it is tempting to respond to what looks like selfishness with more selfishness, or to indifference with hostility, consider
an experiment: behave the way you would choose to behave if you knew, for sure, that your spouse loves you deeply.
How would you greet each morning, react to terse responses, and tolerate crankiness, in the short term, if you were
confident that an abiding love were under the surface grouchiness or self-absorption? Acting
this way—acting “as if” everything is truly going to be OK—can be a great first step in riding out
what should be passing, difficult times. However, of course, there are caveats: neither you nor any children
or animals should be subject to abuse of any kind, and it may be necessary to pursue other actions as well, such as Al Anon,
if there are addictions driving the selfish behavior. Finally, consider having a time line, which culminates
in what will be a very well-grounded request to seek counseling of some sort, to see what else needs to change.
Acting “as if” shouldn’t be an indefinite plan, but it can be a profoundly helpful first step.—Dr.
Lori Puterbaugh, LMHC, LMFT
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Tip of the Month: Keep
Depression at Bay by Reducing Rumination
As
has been discussed in KidNews in the past, ruminating—thinking about things over and over—is a recipe for anxiety
and depression. While it seems obvious, learning to interrupt the rumination habit and replace it with healthier mental habits
is easier said than done! We’ve had hints on this before, and it’s worth revisiting, as, with
the internet as a trusty tool, ruminators can find endless ways to keep “researching” and rethinking problems
or potential concerns. Here are some tips to add to your arsenal of anti-ruminating strategies:1. set a firm limit on how much time you will spend on any particular task or problem, e.g., how much time will
you spend finding potential diagnoses for some symptoms and then make a doctor’s appointment?2. Practice
visualizing a Stop sign (yes, it really does work!). When you catch yourself ruminating, say “Stop!” aloud if
you’re alone, or in your head if you’re around others, and visualize the Stop sign. Over time,
you’ll be better at interrupting your ruminating.3. Label what you’re doing as “ruminating”
instead of flattering yourself with positive terms for being “thorough,” “prepared,” “a good
shopper,” etc., when you’re really just investing far more time than you ought to into any one problem or concern.
4. If you are legitimately researching a real problem, such as the treatment options for a serious health
challenge, gather the information rather than surfing from site to site; print it or save the data to a file; then bring organized
information to your healthcare provider rather than having a lot of data that may, or may not apply, swimming in your head
creating anxiety and depression. Seek
professional help if rumination continues to interfere with your well-being.- Dr. Lori Puterbaugh, LMHC, LMFT
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Dolores (Lori) Puterbaugh, PhD, LMHC, LMFT
801 West Bay Drive, Suite 436
Largo, FL 33770
727-559-0863
Mental Health Counseling, Marriage & Family Therapy, Christian Counseling & Coaching
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